


Silence In-Between

by whimsical_ramblings



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: fem!Ocelot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsical_ramblings/pseuds/whimsical_ramblings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big Boss won't look Ocelot in the eye anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence In-Between

**Author's Note:**

> In collaboration with an earlier fic called Recall. Not necessary to read, but it might help to.

“You’re lucky to be alive,” Big Boss said as he bandaged Ocelot’s right arm, securing a splint underneath. He’d already finished bandaging the bullet wound on her side, but patches were already started to bleed through, blooming red against the white surface, and each staggered breath she took pushed more gushing blood from the wound. She leaned her head back against the bark of the tree she was propped up against, her hand weakly clutching her side.

“You say that,” Ocelot struggled to say, grunting when Big Boss pulled her forward to tug a sling over her neck. “You say that...like you’re telling me something...I don’t already know.”

Every word out of her mouth felt like a battle, the searing pain in her side and arm making it hard to breathe, to concentrate, and beads of sweat ran down her face and along the underside of her neck. She glanced absently down at the sling around her arm, studying the color of the fabric, the jagged edges that suggested it had been ripped from something larger. Her eyes flickered up to Big Boss’s fatigues, honing in on the piece of material that seemed to be missing from his left sleeve. Without the full sleeve, she could see the edge of his prosthetic where metal met skin, along with the scars that marred the area around the bend of his elbow. The pattern matched the one on the makeshift sling, and for some reason, Ocelot felt the corner of her mouth pulling up into a brief smile.

Big Boss made a sound of disapproval, and his face morphed into an expression that somehow managed to make him look more harsh and rigid than normal.

“You claim to know a lot for someone who made a damn stupid mistake today,” he scolded. “Think about that the next time you decide to let the enemy flank you. You can’t expect every attack to come at you head on, and I know you know that. Pay more attention, or these outings are over.”

Ocelot watched him pack up the first aid kid he’d pulled out earlier to treat her, feeling as though she’d been thrown 20 years into the past, back when she was barely more than a headstrong teenager trying to look confident and cavalier in front of her competition. Big Boss hadn’t had any problem bringing her crashing down to earth back then, and that was even more true now. She’d let herself get distracted today, leaving herself open to enemy fire, and when one of their bullets had found it its mark, she’d managed to make it worse by losing her footing and toppling over a nearby cliff that emptied out into a ravine, snapping her arm in the process.

While she’d been thinking, Big Boss seemed to have moved on from packing up their supplies to checking her over, pulling her hand away from the bullet wound on her side to inspect it. He grimaced at the amount of blood that had managed to seep through already, then pulled off his glove with his teeth and placed his palm against her forehead carefully. Ocelot watched him curiously, following his eye as it focused on her chin, her neck, sometimes on the tree behind her. It was something she’d been noticing lately, the cold, formal way he spoke to her, the way his eye would dart around when he looked at her, never meeting her line of vision. It was unnerving, and out of character. Then again, maybe it wasn’t. Big Boss wasn’t the same person she’d known 9 years ago, and never would be again. It surprised Ocelot just how much time she spent trying to remember that.

Still, the fact that he wouldn’t look her in the eye left her confused. He had no problem looking at Miller, at the other recruits. He seemed comfortable around the others, relaxed even, or as relaxed as someone like Big Boss could be. But with her, there was always this sense of unease, this elephant in the room that Ocelot couldn’t place. I’d been this way for months, and just thinking about it left her filling with anger, the exhaustion she felt from her injuries melting away as a surge of adrenaline shot through her. After all they’d been through together, everything they’d accomplished, everything she’d done to keep him safe those nine long years and everything she’d done to help him since, this was her reward, this blase treatment, as though she were some sort of stranger, some recruit that needed scolding every now and then but nothing more. Ocelot had fought long and hard for any ounce of respect she could get from him, and she wasn’t going to let it be ripped away from her now.

When Big Boss moved to check on the break in her arm, Ocelot grabbed his wrist, and he froze at the unexpected touch. She could feel his muscles tense as he looked up at her━no━as he looked through her, just like he’d been doing for weeks, just like he’d been doing this entire mission, and Ocelot grit her teeth in anger, releasing his wrist to grip the collar of his shirt. She pulled herself up so that their faces were inches apart, until Ocelot could make out the pores on his nose, the small scars that littered the skin on his jaw, his forehead, his lip. He frowned at her, scowled even, but she didn’t care. She wouldn’t let him dance around this any longer.

“Why won’t you look at me?” she asked through clenched teeth. She felt herself shaking, pain from the wound in her side shooting up her back and down her leg, but she held firm, her grasp on his shirt trembling but strong.

“And if you’re planning on denying it, save your breath,” she continued, her voice starting to falter. The pain in her side was excruciating, and she could feel more blood seeping through the bandages, coating her waist and hip. “We both know that’s not true. You haven’t looked me in the eye since before...before...shit.”

She paused, face contorting in pain, eyes clenching shut. Breathing was becoming harder, and Big Boss must have sensed this, murmuring her name as he attempted to push her back down to lean against the tree. She slapped his hands away before he could, staring up at him once more.

“Don’t,” she said. “Tell me why...why you won’t look at me.”

Her chest was heaving now, and more sweat collected in her hairline as she struggled to stay upright, dampening the hair on her forehead, trailing down the lines of her face.

“Ocelot,” Big Boss said, voice stern. “You’re injured. Now is not the time.”

“Then when?” Ocelot said. She could hear desperation creeping into her voice, but continued anyway, even as her fingers shook where they were wrapped up in the material of Big Boss’s fatigues, still trembling from a mixture of pain and anger and adrenaline. “How long are you planning on running from this? From me? What are you afraid of?”

Ocelot wasn’t sure what it was, but something she’d said had struck a nerve, and before she could even process what was happening Big Boss had both his hands on either of his shoulders, fingers digging into her skin, and he pushed her back until her upper back hit the tree trunk. She grunted, the impact jostling her broken arm and her wounded side, and when she looked back up at him, his blue eye was staring directly into hers, fierce and full of an emotion Ocelot couldn’t place.

“You don’t know anything about me,” he snarled at her, but Ocelot refused to let him get the best of her now.

“I know more than you’ll admit,” she snarled back. “You’re afraid of something. I’ve seen it in you ever since I helped you onto the back of that horse.”

“And what exactly would that be?” Big Boss asked. “You?”

“What else could it be!” Ocelot snapped back. “You only seem to interact with me when it’s convenient for you or your dick. I’m not your fuckbuddy, John, I’m a soldier, you can’t just━,”

Her words were cut off when Big Boss raised a fist, which Ocelot fully expected to land somewhere on her body, but instead his knuckles hit the bark behind her head sharply, his body looming over her.

“What have I said,” he growled, “about calling me that?”

“It’s your name, isn’t?” Ocelot said.

“Not anymore.”

Ocelot studied his face, the creases in the corner of his eye, the way his brow furrowed with anger, knitting in the center of his forehead. His nose was curled up in anger, nostrils flaring, and it was then that Ocelot realized just what nerve she hit.

“Listen,” she said. “I don’t know what ghost you’re running from, and I don’t know what it has to do with me. But I’m not letting this go, not while you’ve put me in the center of it.”

Big Boss’s scowl deepened, but as he opened his mouth to argue, the radio crackled to life, and a staticy voice came over the speaker.

“Morpho here. ETA is one to two minutes.”

He paused before answering, eye still locked with Ocelot’s, then placed a finger on the transmitter in his ear.

“Roger that,” he said gruffly, turning back to Ocelot afterwards.

“Let me guess,” Ocelot said. “We’ll talk about it later?”

**  
**Big Boss didn’t answer her, instead giving her one last look before tearing his eyes away to focus on the sky. Ocelot slumped down against the tree, feeling the energy drain from her. She looked down absently to see her lower torso covered in blood, staining the dirt beneath her, and by the time the helicopter arrived, she’d lost consciousness.


End file.
